Monday, September 24, 2007

Nipples Really Have Only One Purpose

Why are nipples erogenous? It just seems creepy to me. Nipples are designed to deliver milk to the infant. (And why do humans drink cow milk? It's for calves! I drink soy milk.)

The whole sex drive thing is a scam. We "feel" physically attracted to someone but really it's just the sex driver trying to make a new human.

Many men find large breasts attractive but is it actually because large breasts imply that they can hold more milk than smaller breasts and therefore be more capable of feeding an infant? Or is it because certain men want to be babied? According to zoologist Desmond Morris, author of 'The Naked Ape,' breasts are designed to look like derrieres, and a naked derriere is designed to encourage the sex driver. My sex driver would like to have a little chat with your sex driver.

Sex is weird and the older I get the more I see it for what it truly is - simply an overly hyped mechanism to make more humans.

(But don't get too attached to your babies - America's most prolific serial killer, President George Bush, is on a roll.)

Sunday, July 15, 2007

There's No Such Thing As Pollution

I do not care anymore about pollution. The landfills are full of disposable diapers and plastic water bottles? Good! Cigaret butts and trash line the streets? Good! Carbon dioxide filling the atmosphere? Yay! All this trash is just Mother Earth in a different form. So what? Mother Earth knows what she's doing.

I hope to be living when the earth decides it has had enough of humans. That will certainly be exciting. Woo hoo!

Friday, July 13, 2007

South Dakota Contributes To Inhumanity

South Dakota murdered a murderer July 11, 2007. Sickening. Now he's escaped prison!

Meanwhile, George Bush, America's most prolific serial killer, continues his bloody spree. Well, let's see if he can get my boys to enlist. Ain't a'gonna happen, Mr. President. I served proudly, my father served proudly, and I am proud of our troops, but I won't allow my sons to die meaningless deaths. Bring the troops home!


Friday, June 01, 2007

Sexy Equals Stupid

Sex is like ears. Goofy! Way goofy!

It's all about making babies. It's ONLY about making babies. It's all about continuing the human race. People just THINK it's fun. It really isn't. It's a mess. It's a mechanism that triggers endorphin release which tricks humans into thinking that it's fun. It's a scam! Why don't people realize this? Humans pretend and convince themselves that it's about making each other feel good. What a joke!

My sex driver loves to see hot. Do I want to touch it? Sure! Do I want to slip in? Of course! Will I make the move? Hell no! Not worth it! Not even the tiniest bit worth it. It's too much of an aggravation. Gotta think about tricking that ovulation machine. Gotta think about how to hide the wind-breakage. Gotta think about who gets up first to change that diaper.

Look at all the trouble people get into simply to have an orgasm. The sex driver gets its wires crossed and thinks that a 3 year old boy is an erotic object. Oops! Wait, did I say that the oopser was male? No-o-o! Did you assume "he" was? Heh heh HA HA (cough!) Wha-? Why don't those crossed wires trip a brain circuit breaker?

BTW, I will personally do all I can to send that oopser to jail for life.

Speaking of crossed wires, a man craves a man? A woman craves a woman? That's freakin' funny! It's just crossed wires. It's just screwing up lives.

Supposedly sex is about "making" love. Expressing love. That's a joke. What exactly about stimulating genitals means a person loves another person? "Ooh, ooh, I think I love that person. I can't wait to stimulate that person's genitals and have that person stimulate mine to orgasm!" That's bullshit. That's the sex driver driving drunk. Don't believe it? Try having your gay sex without alcohol for a week or so.

Love is deep friendship. Love is looking out for a particular person's well-being. Love is wanting that particular person to feel good. Love is stimulating that person's genitals until that person has an orgasm. Wait a minute, where am I going with this? This was supposed to be a rant about DNA manipulating the human race into thinking that sex was actually just for fun.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

My List Of Heroes Doesn't Include George Bush

My sons are my heroes. I strive to be as brave as they are.

Sammy singing his own song:

Petey determined to learn words:

I am also very proud of Sean Penn:

I am ashamed of George Bush. Our military has become a police force for the rich. We are using our brave and honorable military troops to steal oil.

My sons may become soldiers, as I was, as their grandfathers were, but they will not fight for corporate interests. I will ensure that, even if it means leaving the USA.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Short Story Fiction Draft

It doesn't really matter to me if she's off screwing some other idiot (and I'm the first in line to say that I'm an idiot). She ain't a'gonna get it from me cuz I know her too well. I encouraged her to screw other idiots.

I'm a primitive brained creature with an occasionally stubborn sex driver. She says we can have at it if it will appease my sex driver but lately my sex driver's been distracted by the possibility of contracting std's. She is, after all, screwing idiots who also screw college idiots.

What would you do? Don't say divorce. Divorce means limited time with my little girls. One weekend a month, two weeks during the summer, and occasional holidays equals limited father figure exposure.

Life is good. Really good. Set the alarm for 5 AM. 1 oz vodka, 6 oz tomato juice, 1 tbsp pickle juice, a sprinkle of celery salt, a John Gorka album on the stereo. Blog till 7 AM. The kids wake up at 8. By then I'm sober and appeased and ready to make pancakes for the family. Life is good.